Fears

I have to admit I'm terrible at actually feeling motivated to write anything about my own life. I feel like I'm pretty boring. I found a tumblr page that would help me with some writing prompts, though, so hopefully I'll blog a little more often than I have been. Btw, if you have a tumblr, you can follow me here.

So today I wanted to talk about fears and what I'm afraid of. I'll admit I get squeamish and honestly, a lot of things freak me out, but I wouldn't quite say I have a fear of them. I feel like my list has gotten bigger since I've "grown up", or maybe I've just finally admitted that I'm afraid.


1.) I'm afraid of being alone. Not really left alone at home or anything, but the idea of not having anyone who cares about me. No family, no romantic partner, no friends. It scares me to not have anyone to confide in. I feel like I'd probably go into depression. And to be honest, I'm not sure what I'd have left to live for if I didn't have anyone left.

2.) The dark. This is such a generic thing, but I'm honestly afraid of the unknown that exists in the dark. Anything or anyone could be lurking around the corner, ready to jump out and skin me alive. I don't really have great balance either with my eyes closed or when I'm in the dark so I'd probably kill myself first by tripping over a stick. lol

3.) Open heights. I guess because I'm so short, 5'2", that I hate being up high. In eighth grade when I was a cheerleader, I was a flyer. How funny, because I really hated thinking about how high up I was. Buildings and airplanes don't really bother me, but tall trees (I also love to climb these), deep caves, ladders, and buildings like the Sears Tower, below, scare the crap out of me. I literally could only stand up on this glass area for a few seconds before my knees buckled and I just had to lower myself to sit.

And last but not least...

4.) Spiders. I've always hated spiders but only recently have I truly realized my fear of them. How they feel when they crawl across you... Even watching them creepily scurry across the floor or wall. And their creepy fangs just pulsing, ready to eat your face. Their itchy and potentially deadly bites. Ugh. They just creep me out. Even worse is that I hate to kill spiders or insects because I hate that crunchy feeling and sound that happens when you attempt to squash them. *shudder*

So what's something that you're afraid of?

Independence Day 2013

So I had a great Independence Day spent with family and boyfriends setting off some fun and pretty fireworks. :)

We had dinner outside at my grandparents' house.

My grandpa took me to one of his neighbors who does some welding and made this great piece.

My lovely patriotic cookie cake! :D

And just some other fun shots from the day.

I hope everyone else had an equally awesome Independence Day! < 3

SoonerCon 22

So this past weekend was spent at SoonerCon. I had a lot of fun with my sister, but I honestly can't say I enjoyed the con itself very much. They cut back on a lot of stuff from last year. Less vendors, less artists, and everything seemed rather uncoordinated and most everything was running late. Despite a not-so-great con, my sister was able to sell some of her super cute amigurumis and some other crafted goodies at the table where my dad was selling his sci-fi books. Together, we're going to work on some more wonderful crafted goodies and hopefully sell at next year's Tokyo in Tulsa.

My sister even made me a super cute Evee just like these! If you're interested, let me know and we just might be able to work on something for you. :)

Highlights of the con:
1.) Selling crafts towards a table to sell more crafts!
2.) Hanging out with my sister
3.) Taking pictures with my sister of our cosplays
4.) Winning third place in my category for cosplay costume as Harley Quinn. :)

Check out some of our pics from the con. :D

Threads Thursday: Flirty Fifties

Yellow quarter length shirt - Thrifted

Blue with white polka dots gored skirt - Thrifted

Red belt - Thrifted

Red heels - Payless

Red Heart Glasses - Claire's

I have to say I'm always proud of myself when I manage to throw outfits like this together when the majority of the outfit is thrifted, and I didn't pay much for it. I admit I get frustrated with some of the fashion blogs I follow where they only incorporate a couple of thrifted items but rarely wear a cheap mostly thrifted outfit.

I bought the yellow top at a Goodwill in Kentucky a couple of years ago and paid maybe $3, the skirt I picked up at a local thrift shop here in Tahlequah for $3, the belt I bought at another Goodwill in Kentucky for $1.50, my heels were a needed item for sorority recruitment so I probably spend about $20 on them, and the glasses were an absolute must for $6. So in total, I spend under $35 for the entire outfit and under $15 if you exclude the shoes. :)

I try to be frugal with my money and only spend big when I really have to. The most I've spent on shoes was $85 for some Nike's with great arch supports, otherwise the most I've spend it $30 for a pair of knee high converse. Other than souvenir clothing, I've never spent more than $25 on a piece of clothing. I'm sure some people think this is crazy, but it was how I was raised to shop and it's worked wonderfully. :)

Really, it's just best to keep an eye out for sales instead of jumping at every chance to buy a brand new piece of clothing on the rack at a store. Almost every time I go shopping, when I enter a store, I skip every rack and go straight for the clearance. You may not always find what you want or even in the size you need but it takes persistence and luck sometimes. For the times you actually find something it's usually pretty awesome and a great purchase for cheap. For me, this is what makes shopping so thrilling. < 3

Smith Wedding

I originally bought this dress from Charlotte Russe, but it got damaged when I tried to iron it. :(  Thankfully, my mom's a great seamstress and made a pattern from the original dress and sewed this one for me! :D

Earings and bracelets from Rue21
Shoes thrifted from a Goodwill in Arkansas

About a week and a half ago one of my niece's got married! I feel so old now. lol. Well, I sort of got asked last minute to be the photographer. I love opportunities to photograph events, but it's not exactly wonderful when you're not entirely prepared for what all you need to do. It was a ton of fun, frustrating that I was in a dress and heels, and painful after kneeling in rocks and not having the chance to really sit down for 5 1/2 hours. I did get some really great photos out of it and I hope my niece loves them, too. :)

Here's a preview. You can see more on my facebook page. :)

 

Feminism Friday: Video Games

When Lego's new Lego Friends series was released, I was upset, to say the least. My sister sent me some videos about Lego Friends by feminist Media Critic, Anita Sarkeesian, that summed up exactly how I felt about the new sets.

I discovered later that Anita was working on a new project, Tropes vs Women in Video Games. As a feminist video game player myself, I was interested in keeping up with her new project. I think I might have noticed the lack of female characters when I was younger more so than I do now. In my younger years I remember wanting more female characters, always disappointed that there weren't characters I could identify with very well. Of course there were always female characters in stories, but there tended to be less of them and they were typically side characters that were there only to assist in the movement of the story. I can't deny that there are some great games with female protagonists, but the amount of games with female protagonists seems ridiculous compared to the amount of games out there lacking decent female roles altogether.

After watching Anita's first two videos, Damsel in Distress, I was appalled to see the amount of gamers verbally attacking and threatening her on YouTube, twitter, and other social networking sites. There was a video response from a young man saying that she had not even mentioned games with great female protagonists and hadn't done any decent research, and many other videos basically saying the same thing. It drives me nuts to realize that people can't pay attention and realize the amount of research she has done. First of all, the only two videos she has released are only addressing the Damsel in Distress trope, she didn't say anything about female protagonists being non-existent. Second, like I said earlier, just because there are some great games with female protagonists, they're still out-numbered by the amount of games lacking female characters altogether. Third, she's a media critic, that's her job, to analyze and critique how things are working in the media. You may not always agree with a critic, but usually they're more advanced in their area and have spent a lot more time researching the things you think you have an expert opinion on.

I also have to address the amount of comments saying that "if more women played video games they would start making more video games with female characters." Seriously? Or even one comment basically stating there are more male characters because it's "almost like they wanted relatable main characters." Again, seriously? Let's address these last few comments.

According to a 2012 report by the ESA, 47% of video game players are female. ORLY NAO? So if 3% more gamers were female, we would have an even amount of male to female player ratio and we would suddenly start having more games created with leading female characters that aren't put into stereotypical sexist roles? I didn't think so either. Moving from that to "relatable main characters," if 3% puts males in the lead of video game players, technically it must be true that male characters are more relatable to male players because there is 3% more male players. I couldn't seem to find any newer studies, but according to a 2007 study, male characters were 5 times more likely to appear as a main character than a female character. Five times. That's definitely more than that 3% margin of players. Even a 2005-2006 study stated that females only made up 15% of characters in video games.

I'm tired of seeing female characters, main or side, being thrown into sexist roles where players digest this information and start to associate these things as normal behavior for how women act and look and even how others should treat women. According to this 2009 study women who played video games with overly sexualized female character had a decreased sense of self esteem after playing the game. We need better portrayals of women in video games. I'd like to see more strong female models as lead characters. I'm tired of the typical damsel in distress, half-naked fighters, and the overly large breasted sexualized lead. I want a strong female character showing that she can be just as tough as any male and that she doesn't need someone else to take care of her.

Feminism Friday: Why I'm a Feminist

I'm hoping to get myself more motivated to blog so I thought I'd start "Feminism Friday" posts. I can't guarantee any solid commitments to every Friday, though. I thought I'd start my first post off with why I'm a feminist.

Let me start by addressing what feminism is. Red Letter Press does a good job of explaining the basics here. For those of you who chose not to read it, I'll sum it up pretty quickly,

"British suffragist and journalist Rebecca West famously said, 'Feminism is the radical notion that women are people.' In other words, feminism is a commitment to achieving the equality of the sexes. This radical notion is not exclusive to women: men, while benefiting from being the dominant sex, also have a stake in overcoming the restrictive roles that deprive them of full humanity."

"As with every social movement, feminism encompasses a variety of political tendencies. There are three main types of feminism: socialist, reformist, and radical/separatist."

That last part is where I get the most frustrated with people about. When most people hear "feminism" they associate it with radical feminists. "Radical feminists target male psychology or biology as the source of women's oppression. The most extreme form of radical feminism is separatism, which advocates a total break with men." 

When I talk about feminism, it's the complete equality between women and men and the elimination of pre-defined gender roles.

Now back to why I'm a feminist. I feel like a lot of my ideas of feminism came from my mother, although she would probably never claim to be a feminist. My mother was an only child until the age of 16. She was raised in a time where it was still important to have children helping around the house. And while she was the only child, she was raised to be both the daughter and the son of the family. My grandmother taught her about cooking, sewing, and cleaning while my grandfather taught her about taking care of cars, fixing appliances, and being independent. Outside of stereotypical Latter Day Saint culture, especially for that time, my mother went to school and received a master's for elementary education. She even taught for several years, living by herself, in New Mexico. My mother didn't marry my father until she was 34, which was definitely out of the norm for most LDS women, and still is.

I don't recall my mother really controlling how my gender roles were defined growing up. I don't really remember my father teaching me a whole lot growing up (No offense Dad! I love you! :P). My mother was always the one who taught me about cleaning, cooking, fixing the car, taking care of personal finances, etc. My mother's still the one who's usually in charge of all of these things in the household. I don't remember my mother, or father, ever telling me I couldn't do something or was supposed to do something because I was a girl, other than wearing a dress to church and how to appropriately sit in a chair with a dress/skirt. Growing up, I wore dresses, skirts, shorts, overalls, sweats, and jeans. I played with barbies, baby dolls, stuffed animals, dinosaurs, army men, Legos, and played video games. I played hop scotch, dress up, climbed trees,  played in mud, and played with bugs and worms. 

I grew up being able define myself and I've always felt that everyone should be raised with the same opportunities to define their own roles. It should be acceptable for women to provide for themselves and not have to rely on a man, boys should be able to play with barbie dolls and not be called a pansy. I'm so tired of stereotypes and someone else telling me what's acceptable and what's not for a girl or a boy. 

I believe everyone deserves freedom from stereotypical gender roles.